Wilson: Defined by Patterns

Commentary: LaDawn Wilson

The human person craves connection and longs to be in relationship with purpose. At the deepest core of a human being’s longing is a desire to be loved unconditionally. Many today have never experienced an environment where they are loved without conditions in place. This sets up patterns of thoughts and behaviors in the individual that governs the way in which they relate to others in the future.  

Loving unconditionally means that the human person has an intrinsic value beyond anything they ‘do.’ They do not need to look a certain way, behave a certain way, or think a certain way. They are loved because they ‘are.’  We can say that we know we are good and worthy of unconditional affirmation, but we may not experience that truth at our core. The outcome is a lack of trust in humanity and a lapse in emotional maturity. 

Many adults, who have never experienced unconditional love and are innately seeking connection, latch onto sources that give them a means of feeling useful or needed. The usefulness provides a boost in one’s self-esteem and then reinforces the pattern that what one does is more important than what one ‘is.’

Current examples of these sources are political affiliations where one feels part of something bigger than themselves. Another example is a sort of idolization of people in media one can imitate; be it sports figures, movie stars, or activists. We used to call this type of behavior cliquish. Cliques are false identities because one is not the some total of what one is trying to imitate and this eventually leaves the individual feeling lonelier than before. 

The loneliness is like a heavy backpack one never takes off except when an opportunity presents itself to experience a fleeting moment in yet another false identity involving a clique, an addiction, or a movement. When the momentary gratification leaves, the backpack is put back on and lugged around until another fleeting moment presents itself.

This disconnection is really a disconnection from the basic reality of personhood. Until we call it what it is, we will be in search for connection at any cost and may never realize that what we truly crave is the authentic unconditional love in our relationship to others.


LaDawn Wilson is a conservative intellectual from the Houston, TX area. Her career in Texas politics has included being the campaign manager for two candidates for the state legislature and a stint at the Free Enterprise Institute.

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